Monday Night RAW Results: May 9, 2011

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, May 9th, 2011 (USA Network)
Location: The Thompson-Boling Arena in Knoxville, TN
Results by Thomas Hall of 411 Wrestling

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

Here’s Alberto to open the show. He says that he should be champion but Edge stole it from him. Why did we waste so much time on Rock last week? It should have been a celebration of the arrival of Alberto. He says he should get the title shot so here’s Rey to offer a rebuttal. He says Alberto will one day be Ricardo’s announcer. Is that even an insult? Rey wants a match tonight for the #1 contendership.

Alberto starts to talk but Miz and Riley come out to interrupt. Miz blames Riley for losing the title last week but Alberto says that was his chance. Miz says he got the job done but the referee was prejudiced. He makes a Taco Bell joke which will probably get him criticized for making racial remarks because people are stupid. Truth comes out to no music and talks about… food?

Ah apparently it’s due to Morrison having a neck injury and being out for months for neck surgery. Truth gets in all their faces and calls Miz Kermit, Mysterio bottle-nosed and Alberto a pompous Mexican fence jumper. “When an angry black man is talking y’all need to shut it up.” Something about kicking dogs and cats is mentioned but long story short, Truth wants the title shot. E-Mail says we’re going to have a triple threat match between Miz, Alberto and……we get another E-Mail to announce that the third man is Rey Mysterio.

Truth doesn’t like it and Mysterio wants Truth in the match which he says means he agrees with the GM. Did I miss something there? Anyway Miz says the next WWE Champion is…..but he can’t finish as Ricardo cuts him off and says Ricardo. RICARDO DROPKICKS RILEY!!! Miz hits the floor and Rey dives on Ricardo to end this segment as we take a break.

Bella Twins vs. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres

I think that’s Brie vs. Kelly to start us off. The Bellas double team her for two. Apparently Cena gets to pick the stipulation for the title match at the PPV. Kelly gets a headscissors to take down Nikki and spanks her a bit. Small package by Brie (I think) is reversed into one by Kelly for the pin at 1:25. We get to the point quickly as Kharma comes out. The Bellas try to sneak off and manage to get by. Eve tries to jump Kharma and gets left laying via a slam. Kelly runs off and it’s an Implant buster for Eve.

Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres b. Bella Twins @ 1:25 – Small package to Nikki

Kane vs. Mason Ryan next.

Kane vs. Mason Ryan

Punk and Show are here with their respective people. Ryan shoves him around with ease to start us off. Kane fires away and knocks him into the corner but gets his head taken off with a clothesline. We go WAY old school with an Oklahoma Stampede for two. Punk distracts Kane so Show kills him dead with the punch. McGillicutty and Otunga run in for the DQ at 2:14. Double chokeslam to Ryan and the tall guys stand…..well tall.

Kane b. Mason Ryan @ 2:14 via disqualification when Nexus ran in

Dolph Ziggler vs. Santino Marella

Dolph is all evil and orange here as he beats down Santino quickly. After a quick beatdown Santino gets some offense in but a dropkick takes him down as he loads up the Cobra. Zig Zag ends this in 1:40.

Dolph Ziggler b. Santino Marella @ 1:40 – Zig Zag

We actually get a Smackdown Rebound for the first time in forever. It’s of Christian having his moment as champion and losing the title that night to Orton.

Truth is about to leave and calls conspiracy. Apparently he’s been getting letters asking him to sing and dance again. His eyes are bugging out of his head as he says this. There’s a country accent thrown in and there’s no more, because that’s the Truth. He leaves but comes back to get the interviewer to say What’s Up and then leaves.

Cena fist pumps with ZACK FREAKIN’ RYDER!!!! and heads to the ring.

We get a recap of the title match last week and Riley costing Miz the title. Miz yells at Riley all over again. He calls Riley a troglodyte and says he’s stupid. Riley says he’ll make it up to Miz so watch this.

Riley walks down the hall and out into the arena. Did Cena get lost on his way to the ring? Riley says the only person that he cares about is the Miz. He challenges Cena to a match and here’s the champ.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley

Very pro-Cena crowd tonight. Cena takes Riley down with ease and then does it again. A charge misses in the corner though and Riley gets a clothesline for two. Chinlock goes on by Riley but Cena starts up his ending sequence. A pair of AA’s as Miz comes out sets up the STF to end this at 3:12.

John Cena b. Alex Riley @ 3:12 – STF

Rating: D. Just a squash here but Riley actually got in some offense. Total dominance by Cena but did you really expect anything else? I’m not sure how this proves anything to Miz but I guess Riley’s heart was in the right place. Nothing else to say here so I’ll keep typing a bit to fill in space.

Cole announces his retirement from in ring competition. Lawler comes in and wants a clip of the beatdown from Rock last week. Cole talks about going into the Hall of Fame and Lawler says if Cole can beat Lawler again, he’ll give Cole his HOF ring and induct Cole into the Hall of Fame. Cole turns it down in a bit of a surprise.

Cole gets in the Cole Mine and makes fun of Tennessee. His mind was made up yesterday about his retirement because it was Mother’s Day. Cole flew his mother into Texas and they watched Cole beat him at Mania. Lawler wouldn’t be able to spend Mother’s Day with his mom because his mom died in February. Lawler storms the Cole Mine but Swagger makes the save as we take a break.

US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston

Technical stuff to start here as Cole imitates breaking news to say that Lawler is in pain. Swagger gets sent to the floor but gets a shot to Kofi, sending him to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Swagger sending Kofi into the corner, only to get knocked backwards. Running knee to the gut takes Kofi down again though.

Vader Bomb eats knees but Trouble in Paradise misses. Top rope cross body gets two. Kofi tries to skin the cat (why is it called that anyway?) but Swagger grabs the ankle. Kofi tries a tornado DDT but gets shoved off and the ankle gives out. Lawler comes out and the distraction is enough for Trouble in Paradise to end this at 8:23 total.

Kofi Kingston b. Jack Swagger @ 8:23 – Trouble in Paradise

Rating: C. Just your standard match between these two which was fine. They’ve wrestled each other a few hundred times now so they can probably have a passable match in their sleep. Lawler coming down is fine as it plays into the bigger angle. Fine for a TV match and that’s all it needed to be.

Post match Lawler sends Swagger into the post and then the crowd and goes to the Cole Mine but can’t get in. Lawler throws a chair into the Mine but settles for reaching into the glory hole to grab the tie. He pulls the tie, ramming Cole’s head into the wall time after time. Cole’s face all stuck up against the wall had me dying from laughter. Swagger says Lawler is fired but Lawler says he just touched his tie. Swagger accepts the match for Cole which he isn’t happy with.

Video about the premiere of That’s What I Am, which apparently is being well received.

The Miz vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio

Winner gets Cena at Over the Limit. No Riley with Miz. Standard formula here as we have two guys go at it while the third is down. The bad guys fight in the ring and Miz escapes the cross armbreaker. Rey comes back in and gets a sunset flip for two on Del Rio. Miz vs. Mysterio now but Del Rio breaks up the 619. Rey gets sent to the floor by Alberto so Miz tries the Skull Crushing Finale. That misses and a double clothesline puts everyone down as we take a break.

Back with Alberto kicking Miz back to the floor so he can work on Mysterio some more. After more of a beating on Rey, Miz pulls the rope down to send Del Rio to the floor. Sunset flip doesn’t hit and Rey hits a kick to the head for two. They all go to the floor with Rey diving on Alberto to take him down. Alberto and Rey go back into the ring and Rey speeds things up again and takes him down with a headscissors.

Miz pops back up and heads up top, only to get crotched. Rollup gets two on Alberto. Sweet top rope rana by Rey to Miz but he gets caught in the Codebreaker to the arm and the Cross Armbreaker. Miz breaks it up and gets rolled up for two. DDT gets two on Alberto. Finale is blocked by Rey and Miz hits the floor again. Riley comes back out to help Miz as Del Rio can’t powerbomb Rey. 619 to Alberto sets up the top rope splash but Riley makes the save. Miz runs in with a rollup to get the pin on Rey at 13:45 total.

The Miz b. Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio @ 13:45 – Rollup to Mysterio

Rating: C+. This was your usual run of the mill triple threat match to start but at the end they cranked it up and with another 3 minutes or so this would have been very good. Miz winning probably makes the most sense so you can’t really complain about him winning. Good stuff here and good to see Miz keep his main event spot for the time being.

Miz has Riley hold up his hand in victory while Rey cannot believe that he came so close to winning.

John Cena’s music plays and he comes out to announce the stipulation for his match with Miz at Over the Limit.

Cena congratulates Miz and he says that he is doing the same thing he did the night after Wrestlemania. All Miz did was have excuses when he lost. Cena says that there will be no excuses because there will be no disqualifications. There will also be no count outs. There will be no submissions. There will be no pinfalls. Cena tells Miz that if he wants to win the title back, he will have to make Cena say two words . . . I Quit.

Meanwhile, back in the ring, R Truth attacks Mysterio and hits What’s Up on Rey.