Monday Night RAW Results: September 26, 2011
Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, September 26th, 2011 (USA Network)
Location: The Spring Center in Kansas City, Missouri
Results by Colin Rinehart of 411
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
We start the show with Triple H. I should mention that there is a Hell in A Cell over the ring and we are to get a preview of the PPV tonight…
They (by they, I mean WWE) show a recap of last week when Trips fired Miz and Truth and were subsequently tossed out of the arena. Triple H wants to explain his actions from last week. He reminds us of who was fired and it isn’t because of Triple H’s ego but because of this….and there’s a WWE.com exclusive where Miz and Truth explain that they have a list of people on their Conspiracy. It’s more of a threat video saying that they will continue to wreck havoc on the show until they get what they want. It blends into last week where Miz and Truth are apologizing to Triple H and the WWE Universe, complete with a nice piano background and we are back in the ring.
Triple H explains that they were fired because of their own actions. They attacked a WWE official, came to him with a weak apology and were full of crap. He knew he was going to fire them but decided to use them for the $250,000 and one more main event. That is on both of them. As for fines go, there is still a fine floating around but it’s Mark Henry’s fine. Henry will pay it for putting his hands on Jim Ross and attacking Lawler (who, by the way, is not here tonight and Booker is taking his spot). Triple H says that to everyone in the back, there is no one man bigger than the WWE. He fired Nash and he will always do what is right for the WWE. He doesn’t care how long he is been he—
Oh but VICKIE “Excuse Me” Guerrero is out with the United States Champion and Mr. Ziggles has something to say! He tells Triple H that he is glad Trips is out here because he is talking about what is right for the business. What Dolph wants to know is what Triple H is going to do for HIM. In case you missed it, Dolph was punched by Hugh Jackman! Dolph is very upset about the coverage then introduces us to two pictures of that very moment. Dolph says that he can still compete but he can’t even eat solid food so he asks, one last time, what does Triple H plan on doing about this?
Triple H isn’t sure what Dolph wants to do about it. The way he sees it, Hugh was a guest and Dolph picked a fight and got punch. What does he want him to do? Tell ya what, he’ll get some security for when the Muppets come next month. Here comes RHODES!!!!! Cody is at the top of the ramp sans music and says that if Trips thought it was amusing when Dolph got punched, it must have been hilarious when Dolph got bashed in the side of the skull and shows the image of 9 staples. He says this offense was much more egregious than shoving a referee and why didn’t Triple H do anything about it? Triple H says that a few years ago, Orton came to the ring, cuffed Triple H to the ropes and attacked his wife. He even beleives that Rhodes was there. Triple H didn’t whine or cry, he beat Orton’s ass on his front lawn. He tells Cody to man up, this isn’t the boy scouts.
And here’s Christian to interrupt even though it’s not his style. He says that what happened last week to him was much worse than either Dolph’s or Rhodes’ case. He says that Sheamus costed him the World Heavyweight champion and he asks Triple H, “How is that fair?” Triple H calls him an idiot and says it was a Lumberjack Match, duuuuhhhhh. Christian gets it but he has had enough. He, Cody and Dolph want to file the biggest lawsuit in the history of the WWE. Oh, I’m sure there’s some bigger ones…
Christian says that he can change his mind if he gets one more match. Triple H then says sure, why not? He can have one more match at HIAC….against Sheamus. This Friday, he can have “one more match” against Randy Orton and tonight, just for pissing him off, he can have “one more match” against John Cena. Oh and it’s not for the title. Christian bails, screaming that this is unacceptable. Dolph is back on the mic asking what’s going on. Triple H says he will be defending the belt against the man that beat him last week…ZACK RYDER!!!! Triple H then does the “Woo Woo Woo” thing! hahaha. Dolph bails just like Christian. Triple H gives Rhodes the night off, but Cody says something smart then says, “With all due respect, you’re a poor excuse for COO.” Triple H books him in a Ten Match Over the Top Rope Battle Royal for his belt! Well I’ll be damned…
Match 1: Ten Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal: Cody Rhodes, Sin Cara, Ted DiBiase, Alex Riley, John Morrison, Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel, Ezekiel Jackson, Sheamus, and Drew McIntyre
Well this should be a doozy. Cody rolls out of the ring as everyone else kind of gangs up on each other. Drew McIntyre is the first man out, tossed by Big Zeke. Sin Cara 1 is taken out by Sin Cara 2 only to be tossed out by Daniel Bryan. On the outside, Cara 1 gives Cara 2 a hurricanrana and tries to get back in the ring, but the refs say nope, he’s been eliminated even while the other one is chilling right next to him.
DiBiase goes outside to toss Cody back in and stomps him a bit which is interrupted by Sheamus as Cody runs to the corner. Riley send Gabriel to the outside but he holds the ropes. Riley goes for a hit but he flips over, still holding on. Alex Riley and Justin Gabriel are eliminated by some kicks from Sheamus.
John Morrison and Daniel Bryan are eliminated by Big Zeke in quick Fashion, then we get the face off of Zeke and Sheamus. Sheamus gets the upperhand but Ted is there to attack! Ted goes uptop and Rhodes pushing him off! Rhodes with a kick to Sheamus! He goes to attack Zeke! Zeke with a clothesline to Rhodes, but Rhodes pulls the ropes and Big Zeke is OUTROS!
Sheamus and Rhodes now! Sheamus with some rights and he goes for big drop but Christian is out!!! Sheamus goes for a clothesline but Rhodes pulls the ropes down. Sheamus is on the apron! Rhodes takes off the mask, he goes to hit Sheamus but no go as Sheamus blocks it on the apron! Christian comes by, pulls the feet and BAM, Rhodes eliminates him!
Winner: Cody Rhodes (**)
After the match, Christian attacks Sheamus then asks how it feels to not win a title ya red headed bastard! (ok, perhaps not that last part…but he totally meant it.
We are back and we get a recap of Henry attacking Lawler. Cole claims that King provoked it and Booker thinks he’s straight trippin, dawg! Cole says that Lawler is suffering bruised ribs and suffering from Anal Bleeding….was that necessary?
In the back, Otunga and his bow tie are is talking to Johnny Ace saying that Triple H’s decisions are (insert two big words here). Otunga tells Ace that he knows the best of the best in terms of legal work. Johnny says even though he is not the COO, he still has some influence. Otunga says thanks and walks out as Ace sends a text.
We get Beth and Natalya walking in the back then a Kelly Kelly promo that pretty much says she is the female version of John Cena, deal with it. It covers some press releases about her Maxim photoshoot, her Price is Right moment and then covers her title win. We are back and Kelly’s music hits, it appears we’re getting a tag team match.
Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix and Natalya
A rematch from last week, this is as I wonder why I just did the “Subjext verb Objext” form… Beth and Eve to start. Beth with a wristlock and Eve flips out of it. Beth sends Eve to the ropes but Natalya is distracted by Natalya dissin her. A tag to Natalay and we get a double body press from the Buff Blondes. Natalya stomps the leg then locks in a unique submission move (read: Tony doesn’t know what it’s called). Natalya breaks it and kicks Eve in the gut then slaps Eve in the face and tags Beth. Beth with a kick to the gut then uses the ropes to choke out Eve but the ref stops it. Beth goes for a splash but Even moves and Beth hits the ropes. Kelly with the tag, she jumps off the top rope, hits some rights then we get an ass smack and a helicopter spin into the corner. Kelly with a handspring elbow and a bulldog then a pin but Natalya is there to break it up! Even runs in for a splash but Natalya moves and Eve flies out of the ring. Buff Blondes go for a double team but Kelly sends Natalya to the outside and Beth hits the Glam Slam much to chagrin of my 13 year old little sister.
Winner: Beth Phoenix and Natalya (**)
Henry’s music hits and here comes the big man! His entrance starts from behind to show just how massive he is, apparently. Henry’s face depicts a man who just had to write a $250,000 check as we go to break
We’re back like we forgot something and Henry is still in the ring with a mean mug. Oh dear….it’s for a match with Khali….somewhere, Jeff Small is prancing naked to Khali’s theme music…
Mark Henry vs. The Great Khali
As Khali raises his hands to the crowd, Henry smacks Khali in the back with the belt. Oh shizznitt! He says “Now be scared!” Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam! then tells Khali he ain’t scared of him! If he gonna pay a fine, everybody gonna pay!!! hahahaha, I love Henry! The crowd is all over him, and it’s perfect.
Winner: No Contest (NR)
In the back, Cena is walking….smellll the intrigue!!!!
Cena has the stick, the crowd boos and I really wanna walk away. Booker says Cena is getting a whole lotta love as the boos progress. Judging by that reaction, he knows some of the crowd is going to love this…then we get a picture of the promo poster of Hell in A Cell, which is Cena’s face engulfed in flames. Cena says this match is necessary. The championship is surrounded controversy. From the second that CM Punk walked out of the building with it to Del Rio cashing it in and to now, it is flooded with uncertainty but after Sunday, the controversy is over! Why HiaC, because it’s a problem solver. He sells the Cell then says that come Sunday, he’s going to run into the Devil’s Playground, stare at Satan and scream “is that all you got?” This Sunday, Cena goes to hell, but he’s been through it so no biggie. He says there’s no way in hell he loses the belt…he’s probably right…
Del Rio’s music hits and here comes Mr. The River!!! So, too, does Punk! It appears that we will have both Del Rio and Punk on commentary. Punk hilariously comes out with a blazer as he used to when he was announcing for RAW. hahaha.
Match 4: John Cena vs. Christian
Cena starts with a backdrop onto Cena then goes for a shoulderblock. Christian with a DDT from the top rope. Christian with a pin for 2. Christan gets some stomps into the corner then chokes Cena with the boot. Christian with a right hand then another. He his the ropes but Cena hits a suplex. Christian with a shoulderblock from the apron then a dropkick from the top rope. This thing picked up quickly. Christian mounts Cena and hits some rights then stomps Cena’s face. Christian goes up top again! Flying headbutt…but he misses! Cena moves out of the way. Christian with a clothesline but Cena hits a shoulderblock and another. Cena with a protoplex, “You Can’t See Me.” Five Knickle Shuffle….he is about to hit the AA but Christian rolls out of the ring. Cena follows and sends Christian over the table! Punk is all “WASSUPWITDAT!” and Cena hits Christian and sends him to the inside! He sets up for the AA but Del Rio comes in and hits an Enziguri! Christian is gone, Punk runs in to catch Del Rio, but he is out quick status.
Winner: John Cena by DQ? (**)
Del Rio with the mic, Cena is right..this Sunday, they’ll be living in Hell but he is the only one coming back. It is his destiny to beat the hell out of Cena!! After that, people, everyone can go to hell…well that’s not nice, Del Rio.
Match 5: WWE Unites States Championship Match – Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger)
I’m really excited about this match. Now you know. Ziggler starts with a kick to the gut then stomps on Ryder. He drops an elbow to the back. Pin. 1….2..no! Dolph sends Ryder to the corner. Body splash then some kicks in the middle of the ring. Ziggler with a nice dropkick. Ziggler pushes Ryder around, pinking Ryder to the corner. Ziggler with a few kicks and some rights then goes for another splash but Ryder moves and Dolph hits the corner face first. Ryder hits the ropes and we get a couple of throat chops then a hard right to the corner and the Broski Kick!! He sets up for the Ruff Ryder but Ziggler pushes him up and over. Vickie distracts the ref, Swagger hangs up Ryder on the ropes allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag and pins for the win!!
Winner and still WWE US Champion: Dolph Ziggler (**1/4)
After the match, Swagger and Dolph go on the attack! Ryder is getting jumped like a 12 year old version of me with new shoes! BOOM! There’s a loud noise then out comes Air Boom! They help out Ryder. Teddy Long’s music hits and he says that Vickie has three minutes (Did somebody say THREE MINUTES!!!) to find a third member for the upcoming 6-man tag match after the break! If Vickie cannot find a partner, it will be a handicap match.
Match 6: Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and ??? vs. Air Boom and Zack Ryder
Looks like Vickie couldn’t find a partner. Kofi and Swagger to start. Lockup and Swagger sends Kofi to the ropes. The ref calls for a break and Swagger with some forearms to the back of Kofi. Kofi fights back with some rights. Swagger sends Kofi to the ropes, Kofi telegraphs and a dropkick. Pin for 2. Kofi drags over Swagger to his corner and tags in Bourne. Bourne stomps on Swaggers back, sends Evan to the corner and goes for a snapmore but can’t do it. Swagger sends Bourne to the corner and tags in Dolph. Dolph with some hard rights and a neckbreaker. He scarpes the face of Bourne with his boot then tags in Swagger. Swagger with some hard forearms to the back of Bourne then stomps Bourne near the corner. He pulls Bourne into the corner and tags for 2. A Double Underhook submission into a crab like move as Swagger goes for the submission. Evan tries to turn out of it but Swagger hits a knee then a gutbuster. Oh, Evan is able to use the knees to knock Swagger down and call in Kofi! Kofi with a crossbody, he sends Swagger to the corner, mounts for some punches then hits an uppercut and a pin for 2!!
Oh but here is a third partner! Mason Ryan joins the heel team as Bourne is in and goes for a pin for two. Bourne sends Swagger to the corner and we get a Poetry in Motion like right from Air Boom! Kofi pins but only gets a 2!! Kofi wrenches the left arm but Swagger hits him with a right. Swagger works the back of Kofi, goes for a back suplex but Kofi flips out of it and tags Ryder. Ryder comes in with some hard rights, hits the ropes and OUCH! Hard ass clothesline from Swagger. Swagger tags in The Australian Batista. Ryan comes in the ring, looks to attack Kofi, but no! He clotheslines Swagger!!! He sends Swagger out of the ring! He then pulls in Dolph, presses him then hits a sidewalk slam type manuever. Mason walks out the ring and here is Ryder to hit the Ruff Ryder! 1…2…3!!!!
Winners: Air Boom and Zack Ryder
I think what’s most important here is that Zack Ryder has now officially made it into Booker T’s Fav Five. It’s official, dawg!
We go over the HIaC card with the new addition of Kelly vs. Beth and Sheamus vs. Christian.
In the back, Otunga is talking to Christian, Rhodes, Vickie and Dolph. Otunga says that these are unsafe working conditions and according to previous cases, it is unlawful. However, they need to do something about this and a lawsuit may not be the way to go but if it is, they all need to stick together. oh dear….
Introducing at this time….RICARRRDDDOOOOOO RODRIGUEZZZ!!! Del Rio comes out in a Spyder.
Match 7: Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk
Punk is muy angry. He starts with some kicks but no go. He hits a double axe handle then works the arm. Snapmare into a cravat and some hard rights. Punk tosses Del Rio out of the ring and drops another axe handle onto Del RIo on the outside. A high knee and he sends Del Rio into Cena, but Cena moves and tosses Del RIo to the barricade. Punk gives Cena a salute, haha, and tosses Del Rio back in the ring. When Punk gets back in, Del RIo hits Punk hard then goes on the attack. He uses the ropes to choke him out then sends him to the corner and kicks Punk into the corner. Del Rio gets a running start before kicking Punk in the low corner. Del Rio with some more kicks to the gut of the now standing Punk. He goes for a splash but Punk moves and stomps Del Rio in the corner himself. Punk with another high knee…and another! A whip to the ropes then he flies, but Punk floats over onto the apron. Del Rio with an enziguri, nice! Commercial break.
We are back and Del Rio has a key lock but Cena with an arm drag. Del Rio to the corner, Punk with a right but Del Rio kicks him. Cena goes for the G2S but Del Rio hits a DDT. a Pin…1…2…nope! Del Rio with a kick to the head and another pin. 1…2…NO! An arm bar onto Punk but Punk hits some rights. Pink goes for a shoulder in the corner, but Del Rio moves and Punk hits the steel! Del Rio with a dropkick and a pin. 1..2…NO! Del Rio, again with an arm bar! Punk stomps the leg then hits the ropes, but Del Rio with a clothesline! Pin..1…2..NO! Del Rio goes for a running…something, but Punk moves and he flies through the ropes! Del Rio chokes Punk with the ropes, flies in right into a kick from Punk and a pin for 2! Punk with some kicks to Del Rio’s legs, he goes up high but Del Rio ducks and drops Punks arm onto his shoulder. Pin for 2! Key lock on the arm. Lovin the arm work! Punk with some headbutts then Punk hits the ropes and hits a nice ass neckbreaker. Pin 1…2…NO! Del RIo with a right but Punk blocks. Del Rio hits the ropes but Punk with an Enziguri! He sends Punk to the corner, hits the running knee, goes for the Bulldog but no! Del Rio hits a move that I miss due to a kid running in front of my telly but he pins for 2! Punk is up and hits a swift ass kick to Del Rio’s head and pins for the 1…2…3!!! WHAT?!
Winner: CM Punk (***1/2)
Rodriguez attacks Punk but to no avail. Then, Cena leaves the table and tosses Rodriguez into the ring as the Cell falls. Cena and Punk are alone with Rodriguez. CM Punk hits the Go To Sleep on Rodriguez right into an AA from CENA! Punk goes for the Go To Sleep on Cena, but Cena gets out and goes for the AA. Just as he sets it up, Del Rio is with a chair and smacks Cena in the back. Oh, and one for Punk! He sets the chair up between turnbuckle 1 and turnbuckle 2 and sends Punk right into it! He grabs the chair and one more shot for Cena! And another for Punk! That’ll do it as they hype HIAC.