RAW Results: October 31, 2011

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, October 31st, 2011 (USA Network)
Location: The Philips Arena in Atlanta, GA
Results by Tony Acero

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

We are live, in Atlanta, GA and we start right away with….THE ROCK’s MUSIC!!!! He’s live, via Satellite and I’ll paraphrase the best I can here.

John Cena, ya want The Rock to be your tag team partner, ya wanna team up with The Rock. Can it be done? Should it be done? John, you and The Rock have been the most polarizing men on this planet. Cena represents an era and a generation. The Rock represents an era and a generation. Last Monday, you asked The Rock from the heart to be your tag team partner. Here’s The Rock’s answer back to you….HELL NO! Hell! No! You want The Rock to be your partner? The same guy who’s been knocking on The Rock’s door for years and were shocked when he opened it and came back. Ya see, in order for The Rock to be a tag team, you must be able to tag, must be able to slap the skin on the hand when he would much rather just slap the lips on your face, punk! Why would The Rock team up with him and the Froot Loop Troop?! No….way. But then, The Rock started to listen. He started to think. He got millions upon millions of tweets, telling The Rock to team up with John Cena…but here’s why…because, we, the world, Team Bring It, we hate and despise The Miz and R-Truth.

So ya see, it’s about what the people want, and what the people want is to see The Miz and R-Truth get their ass kicked like their asses have never been kicked before. So, in that case, John Cena, your wish came true. For one night, you and The Rock WILL BE a tag team. Truth, Miz, you’ve become two bad asses, two of the most hated men in the WWE, being a coward. Why don’t ya come and try and face The Rock to the face? Cena, ya got your wish…right now, I know you’re so happy. I know there’s millions of fans running around the house thankin The Rock in their parents house…well slow it down, lil Cowboys….slow it down. Cena, there’s another reason why The Rock is doing this…and that’s this: John, The Rock wants you to witness, on that night, The Rock wants you to stand on that apron and be one foot away from the Most Electrifying Man in the world. Cena, what The Rock does to Miz and Truth is going to be just a taste of what The Rock will do to you at Wrestlemania! John, you stand there and you witness The Rock. You watch, and respect and damn sure learn how a man gets it done. The Rock and John Cena, Survivor Series….never before…never again.

If ya smelllllllll…..what The Rock…….is Cooking!

Well that was underwhelming….

We get a replay of the PPV as Henry is still selling the injuries from Vengeance. King still doesn’t Before the match, Johnny Ace comes to the top of the ramp. He reiterates that if Punk beats Henry, Punk will get the title shot at Survivor Series against Alberto Del Rio.

Match 1: CM Punk vs Mark Henry
Punk rushes Henry, but runs right into a right hand. Henry starts with some kicks to the fallen Punk then sends him to the corner. Punk with a kick out of the corner then jumps on the back of Henry and drops some elbows. Henry turns it into a carry and slams him to the mat. Pin for 1…2..No. Henry lifts Punk up but Punk with the kicks! A roundhouse followed by a Punk is deflected as Henry tosses Punk to the outside. Punk with a kick to the head of Henry then a springboard clothesline to the ground! Punk goes up top for the elbow. He goes flying and hits the elbow! He pins for 1….2..Henry kicks out.

We see Del Rio on the outside of the ring and he sends Rodriguez to the ring! Rodriguez starts beating on the back of Mark Henry then grabs his shoe to hit Henry again. The ref finally calls for the bell, thus giving the win to Mark Henry.
Winner: Mark Henry via DQ (*)

Punk is upset! He flies outside of the ring into Del Rio then is about to hit Rodriguez. He stalls a bit then sends Rodriguez into the ring, leting Henry handle it. Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam off-screen (nice fuck up there, camera crew…). Henry asks for his title as Del Rio stares Punk down. Punk then chases Del Rio up the ramp as we go for a break.

Back from the show, and we get a promo for the three hour RAW in 2 weeks with The Rock live.

Drum Roll, please!!!! Here comes Kermit the Frog and <=”” b=””>!! They come from the bottom of the stage and welcome everyone to Monday Night RAW. Piggy speaks for both of them when she says she is honored…they are interrupted by…Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger. She says that it was bad enough when Hugh Jackman interrupted the show but now they have to share the show with a bunch of livestock. Piggy and Kermit sell better than half the roster. Piggy is down to get down but Kermit tells Swagger that they understand and don’t want any trouble from Swagger or his mother. Piggy and Vickie trade some Excuse Me’s before Santino’s music hits!

Santino says that everybody here is officially excused. Ha! He tells Swagger not to pick on Kermit or Ms. Piggy and should instead be warming up because he has just been informed by Mr. John Laryngitis that he and Swagger will have a amtch. Kermit wishes Santino luck but Swagger closes Kermit’s mouth with his hand and the crowd boos. Swagger says he has Ziggler in his corner so he is not worried. Santino says Dolph Ziggler is busy, though, with a match tonight against…Zack Ryder. Kermit Woo’s and Piggy says You Know it!

Kelly Kelly’s music hits and she comes out to the stage. She kisses Kermit and Ms. Piggy is all kinds of upset, and wants to pick a fight with Kelly. Kelly walks to the ring for the upcoming costume contest as we go to break…

We are back, and all divas are in the ring…I see AJ and everyone else is ignored. Ok, ok, It looks like Eve is Robin, AJ is Katana from Mortal Combat, Rosa is a cavewoman, Kaitlyn is Dog the Bounty Hunter, Aksana is Morticia Addams, The Bellas are Mario and Luigi, Alicia Fox is a sailor and I beleive Natalya is the Queen of Hearts.

Match 2: Diva’s Costume Battle Royal for No. 1 Contendership
Play by play just ain’t happening here. Rosa is first to be eliminated. Aksana is next, followed by AJ and Kaitlyn and Tamina. Eve does a standing moonsault on the Bellas then Kelly does the stink face to both. Then the bellas are eliminated. The final four are Natalya, Alicia, Eve, and Kelly. They triple team Natalya but she’s got this handled. She tries to send Kelly over but Alicia comes to interrupt. Alicia ends up getting tossed over and Kelly is next! Eve sends Natalya shortly thereafter to become the new Number 1 Contender.
Winner: Eve

Natalya and Beth come into the ring to go after Eve but Kelly and Alicia walk in to prevent anything from happening.

In the back, we have Beaker and Dr. Bunson they are creating an energy drink that must be sent to Santino right away! Beaker is en route but runs into Christian. Christian wants to know where he’s headed. Beaker says he’s got to go! Christian grabs the drink and dumps it all out and pushes Beaker down. Sheamus is there!!! He asks if there’s a problem and Christian walks away. He stares at Beaker…then asks how is it going! haha. Beaker asks something and Sheamus says, “No, he can’t make it to the family reunion this year!! hahaha. Sheamus fixes Beaker’s hair to stand more upright then walks away. haha.

Match 3: Air Boom vs. Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett
We start with Cody and Evan Bourne. Lock up to start, Cody grabs the arm with an overhead wrist lock then hits a rifght. He hits the ropes but Evan fires back with a quick kick then tags in Kofi. Kofi comes in with a flying right and a pin for 1. Kofi with an uppercut then sends Cody to the corner. Cody reverses it and sends Kofi to the corner. He runs right into a kick. Kofi is abnle to knock Wade off the apron but there’s Cody with a kick to the ropes as Kofi tries to springboard off of them. Cody with a move that i didn’t see due to a text and a tag to Wade. Wade with a side slam and a pin for 2. He goes for a seated abdominal stretch but it is shortl ived as Kofi fights out. Oh but there is Barrett with a knee to the guy. Some hard rights and a clothesline then a pin for 1…2..no! tag to Cody and Cody comes in with some rights and a few stomps into the corner! Cody with a single armed headlock but Kofi is there to kick Cody in the head and get out of it. Cody with a Step over Toe hold and drags Kofi to the corner then tags in Wade.

Wade with a kick to Kofi then stomps him a bit. Ref distraction and Cody hits Kofi in the face. Barrett tags Cody with the foot on Kofi. Cody with a hard right to Kofi’s face, knocking him down. Cody sends Kofi to the ropes and hits a right hand, he does it again, and a third time but Kofi reverses it into a monkey flip. Kofi is stretching for that tag and we get two tags! Bourne and Wade are in! Evan with some kicks and a high roundhouse! He goes for a hurricanrana but Wade swings him up for Wasteland! Oh but Evan turns it into a DDT! Pin for 1…2..NO! Rhodes breaks it up! Kofi is in but Cody sends him to the outside. Evan is up top, Wade grabs him and BAM! Wasteland!
Winner: Wade Barrett and Cody Rhodes (**1/2)

Christian comes running out and attacks Kofi for a while before Cody and Wade join in on the fun. Here comes Sheamus, though! He sends Christian to the outside and gives Rhodes the Brogue Kick!

We get a shot of Statler and Waldorf watching the match. That was crazy, brutal, horrific, says Waldorf as Statler does the What taunt each time. haha.

Punk walks into Johnny Ace’s office and asks if he saw what happened during his match. He asks if that was fair and impartial? What does he have to do now? He throws some nice jabs to Ace and Ace says that he is allowed to have the match as long as Del Rio agrees to give him one…Punk says that seems fair then walks out.

Match 4: Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show
Note that Del Rio is without announcer. Del Rio goes for the rights but Show sends him in the corner then hits him right in the midsection before hitting a chop. Del Rio goes for the knee but Big Show is there with a headbutt. Show with another chop in the corner. He hangs Del Rio on the ropes for the three count. goes for a headbutt but Del Rio fights it off, no wait, he doesn’t because Show hits one and sends him to the ground! Show with a hit to the midsection, Irish whip, Del Rio with a kick but Show fires back with a clothesline. Show with a suplex. Cover for 2. Show with the boot to the back of the neck of Del Rio then sends him to the corner with a hard whip. Show goes for a splash but Del Rio moves out of the way. Oh but there is Show with a clothesline. Show is moving slow, selling the Vengeance injuries. Show with a knee to Del Rio then sends Del Rio to the corner again. Show goes for a splash but Del Rio puts both feet up. Del Rio with some kicks to the knees but can’t knock him down. Del Rio hops on Show’s bak and locks in a sleeper! Del Rio hits a couple of headbutts and Show is fading….Show is down to one knee. Del Rio is holding it in tight….Show is dripping sweat! Del Rio is hodling it in tight! Show is struggling! He grabs Del RIo’s head from behind then drops the arms! Show is back on his feet! He then forces Del Rio forward, flipping him over the back! Show takes some time to recover as Del Rio does the same on the outside. Show is out of the ring and runs…sorta, to Del Rio with a hard right. They are fighting outside a bit. Show slides back in the ring but Del RIo tries to pull Show back out! The count starts over as Show drives his knee into Del Rio’s chest! Show goes to break the count then gives Del Rio a hard chop to the chest of Del Rio! He goes for a running knee again, but Del Rio moves! Del Rio hits a quick Enziguri and rolls into the ring. The ref counts to 7 before Show gets up so Del Rio is outside to send Show back in! Del RIo with some kicks to the kneed Show. He hits about five before stomping the face of Show and going for the pin 1…2…hard kick out!!

Del Rio with a front face headlock and he’s standing for leverage! The kneed Show is struggling but tries to cinch in a bear hug. Del Rio drops Show to the mat then turns over to get a cravat from behind. He manuevers that into a side headlock but Big show is up with a back suplex! Both men are down and the ref starts the count. Both up at 6. Del Rio with a right, but Show fires back with a hard ass chop. Del Rio with a right and again, a chop! One more time for each! Del Rio hits a dropkick, I’d assume (the camera switches to a random hot chick in the ring). Del Rio with a front faced headlock once again but Show tosses Del Rio towards the ropes and hits a clothesline, sending the champ to the outside as we go for a break.

We are back! And now Del Rio is working the leg of Show, specifically the knee. Show nearly gets pinned before he tries grabbing at Del Rio from behind, but Del Rio throws some rights to the knees while still holding the leg in a scissors lock. Here comes Show though, lifting his leg high enough to drop it onto Del RIo’s face! Del Rio is quick to get up and go back on the attack. He hits some kicks but Show reaches for a chokeslam! Del Rio kicks the knees and hits a DDT!! 1…2..NO! Show kicks out with authority, sending Del Rio outside of the ring!! Del Rio is back in, he goes for the rope assisted Enziguri but Show hits him with a hard right.
Winner: The Big Show (***)

That match was way better than it had any right to be! For more of my thoughts on this and other matches, be sure to catch RAW’s Instant Analysis tonight as I take over for Chad one more time!

While Show is walking up the ramp, CM Punk’s music hits and he comes down the ramp towards the ring. Punk grabs the pipe bomb microphone and a water bottle and heads into the ring. DelRio is knocked out cold on the mat. Punk sits down cross-legged and asks Del Rio if he could hear him. He splashes water on Del Rio’s face asking if he understands. Punk knows he’s a bit discombobulated but he needs to process what’s going to happen now. He is going to ask Del Rio a simple question. He says that as of now, he is going to lock in the Anaconda Vice and will not let go until Del Rio says “yes” or “Si!” Punk quickly locks it in and Del Rio says yes, yes he has his match. Punk is bad ass. haha. Punk grabs the mic and says that Del Rio said yes and he’ll see him at Survivor Series.

Fozzy and Gonzo are in the back! Fozzy said that these guys are huge! Gonzo says he bets he could be a WWE Champ if he put his mind to it. Vickie, Swagger and Ziggler come by as he says that. They pull Gonzo’s arms out really high and tie them around Gonzo’s head. Ziggler tells them to stay out of their business and walks away. Fozzy asks Gonzo if he’s ok and he claims that he totally needed that! haha.

The special Guest Time Keeper for this match…ANIMAL!!! He rings the bell a good 30 times as Swagger comes out.

Match 4: Jack Swagger (w/Vicke Guerrero) vs. Santino (w/ Cobra)
Lockup to start and Swagger sends Santino to the floor. Santino flips out of it and laughs. Swagger doesn’t, and clotheslines his ass to the mat. Swagger with some rights to the back of Santino then drops some elbows to the gut of Santino. Swagger does a few push ups on the fallen Santino. Swagger with a whip to the corner. Santino with a body splash in the corner then runs for another one but hits a boot. Santino with some rights and lefts as the crowd chants for Zack Ryder. Swagger wit a hard right hand, knocking Santino down. Swagger goes for a clothesline, but Santino with the splits, arm drag, and a headbutt. Pin for 1…2..no! Swagger locks in the ankle lock but Santino sends Swagger to the ropes! Santino is fallen, on the mat. Here’s Beaker with an energy drink! He gives it to Santino! Santino doesn’t like the taste so he doesn’t swallow! Swagger turns him around and we get the mist!!! Santino spits in Swagger’s face and Santino rolls him up for the 1…2…3!!!!
Winner: Santino (*1/2)

Match 4: Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder
Lockup! Ziggler turns it into a side headlock but Ryder sends him to the ropes. Ziggler comes flying back with a shoulderblock. Ryder with a few arm drags before rolling Ziggler up for a pin. Ziggler stops the momentum with a dropkick. Ziggler with some kicks to the face then a hard right, followed by a neckbreaker attempt, but Ryder pushes Dolph to the ropes and he hits a clothesline! He comes from the corner with a uppercut then goes up top for the missle dropkick! Dolph rolls to the outside and here’s Ryder with a splash from the outside, over the ropes onto Dolph as we go to break.

We are back and Dolph is in control! The crowd has started a “Let’s Go Ryder. WOO WOO WOO” chant! Awesome. Ryder tries to fight out of the hold but Ziggler sends him down with a hard right. Ziggler drops an elbow to the back of Ryder then pins for 1…2..NO! Ziggler with a neckbreaker and this time he hits it. Kip up! Ziggler is looking for a dropkick but Ryder catches him and we get a slingshot into the turnbuckle! Ziggler with a hard right, then a boot but Ryder with a flapjack!!! Ryder sends Dolph to the corner and hits some rights then a hard back elbow, sending Dolph to the floor. Ryder is going for the Bro kick! He hits it! We get a pin for 1…2..NO!!!! Ryder lifts up Ziggler, but Ziggler with a jawbreaker. Ryder is in the corner and Ziggler goes for a splash but Ryder with his knees up, sending Ziggler to the mat!!! Ryder with a pin for the 1…2…3!!!! Oh, but Ziggler’s foot is under the rope! The ref allows the match to continue, though, and Ziggler goes to the outside. Ryder chases him around the ring and both men back in! Ziggler with a kick, he goes for the Zig Zag but Ryder holds onto the ropes, sending Ziggler down to the mat! Here comes Ryder with the Ruff Ryder! 1…2…3!!!!
Winner: Zack Ryder (***)

When we come back, we get a video package of last week’s RAW. You know, if what happened last week lasted about the amount of time that the video package did, I’d probably have no problem with it…apparently, he has suffered a concussion and some vertabrae damage. He will apparently be out for five weeks. Lastly, we are informed that Nash has been resigned.

A comment was made that Zack Ryder got no reaction….he must be watching RAW with the mute button on.

Cole wants our attention. He claims that JR is not here tonight because he is suffering from imflammable bowel disorder. He’s suffering from a bunch of poop like diseases. He claims that JR is not a real man for not showing up for this. He pulls out a diaper and says that JR should have worn it coming to the ring. It appears that the Michael Cole challenge will be next week, not this week. Thanks for prolonging it, I guess?

Back up top with Statler and Waldorf. They say the only thing worse than listening to Michael Cole is….nothing!

In the back, Ms. Piggy is rubbing on Morrison’s abs. She invites him to dinner after the show but he says that he has plans. However, he has a friend that is free and brings over Hornswoggle. He shows her his tattoo of Ms. Piggy. She says she is so pretty. Hornswoggle asks for a kiss, then kisses her on the cheek. She swings hard and hits him right in the gut. Hornswoggle is elated as Kermit comes over to ask if he’s ok. Kermit says, “And I thought our show was weird.” Here’s Cody Rhodes with a lunch sized paper bag and places it over Kermit’s head as he wishes us Trick or Treat! Cute.

Statler does the “You Can’t See Me!” taunt and Waldorf says he can’t say anything! haha. Statler says he’s going to be wrestling the Miz so consider himself lucky before making himself dizzy from the Cole taunt.

The last time The Miz faced John Cena in this arena, he won the WWE Title. When Cena comes out, he is sure to remind us that he is the guy here, doing it every night. Yes, Cena….we know, and that’s the problem…

Match 4: John Cena vs. The Miz
Lockup to start but Cena with a sideheadlock take down then a hard right to the back of The Miz. kick to the gut and a whip to the corner. Cena with a fisherman’s suplex. Cena with a dropkick and a pin for 2. Cena goes for a splash in the corner but Miz moves and hits a kick to Cena. He goes to work on the upperbody of Cena with some hard kicks then some left hands to the face of Cena. Miz hits the ropes and kicks Cena right in the face. A pin for 1…2..Miz with a cravat, but Cena powers out of it as the crowd argues as to whether they want Cena to go or if he sucks. Miz with a kick to the face thens a clothesline into the corner. Miz is up top and we get an axe handle from the top rope! Pin for 1…2..no! Miz with some rights and sends a knee to the face of Cena. He then sends a kknee to the back of Cena and a left from behind then a cravat. Cena is fading. Cena fades out of it. Here comes the shoulder blocks! Protobomb! We can’t see him!! Cena hits the ropes and Five Knuckle Shuffle! He sets up for the AA but The Miz floats out of it and hits a reverse DDT!!! Miz hits the ropes and goes for the kick to Cena’s face again, but Cena ducks and goes for the STF. Miz escapes it and hits his backbreaker/neckbreaker combo! Miz is calling for it! He wants it! He’s looking for the Finale that crushes Skulls! But Cena tosses Miz to the corner and fires back with a clothesline!!! Miz folds up like a sex ridden futon!!! Cena is up top but Miz is there for some lefts! He gets on the second rope and calls for a superplex. Cena is able to strength out of it. Cena with a headbutt, though! Miz to the mat and Cena is up top! He flies with a leg drop and a pin for 1…2…NO!!!!

Cena goes for the AA but Miz with a nice looking DDT!!! We get a pin for 1…2…NO! Miz runs towards the ropes and Cena sends him over to the outside! Cena sends Miz to the barricade! There’s Truth in a Scream Mask who chokes Cena for a bit! Miz sends him in the ring then goes for the SKF, but nooooo Cena reverses it into an STF!!!!
Winner: John Cena (**1/2)

The Scream Masked person is in the ring! Cena gives him an AA! He AA’d a “fan” without knowing it was Truth. Yeah, that’s not bullying.