SmackDown Results: November 29, 2011
Event: WWE Live SmackDown
Airdate: Tuesday, November 29th, 2011 (SyFy Network)
Location: The Time Warner Cable Arena in Charlotte, NC
Results by Tony Acero of 411
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
We start with Mick Foley coming out to a decorated ramp with trees and the like. Jolly Ol Saint Mick makes his way towards the ring. Foley welcome’s all of us Ho’s….or something to that effect, wishes us a Happy holidays and mentions that it’s still November. What we must understand is that Mick Foley is a Christmas fanatic. He is to Christmas what JR is to BBQ sauce. The crowd chants for Foley as he looks inside his bag of goodies. How about a World Heavyweight Championship Match between Tiny Tim aka Daniel Bryan and The Ghost of Christmas Fear aka Mark Henry. Also, it will be inside a Steel Cage, for those that did not know. Also, we’ve got a Miracle on 34th Street Fight, an All I want for Christmas over the top rope battle royal (and the winner gets their special wish granted by Santa Claus). Foley brings up where he promised the no Michael Cole but due to his legal team, he will still be here. However, the contract does not dictate how he is dressed. So, of course, Michael Cole comes out as Rudolph…in a tie. I should mention that Josh Mathews is wearing an elf costume and there’s one member of the announce team that is not out here, yet. Booker T comes out as Santa Claus as well.
Booker is in the middle of the ring with Santa Foley. Foley says he wants to include everyone on the roster and a part of the universe. He wants Booker to spin for the Jewish people, like a big dradle…We get a Spinarooni and I notice that Santa’s hair from the hat is in draids…hahaha. Booker T says that the holiday spirit is here and he can dig that, SUCKA!!!! Booker is about to make his way to his post when Cody Rhodes’s music hits.
He says in the past, he would allow this farce to continue unabated, but he is no longer wearing a mask and as such, he sees things a bit more clearly. What he is seeing is a lowly announcer making a fool of Cody in the ring, endulging in childish antics, taking time away from those of us, like Cody, who still have the skills to compete. Booker takes off the hat and pulls down the beard. He says he has no beef with Cody, and he doesn’t want to throw hands with him but don’t think for one minute that Booker cannot handle his business in the middle of this ring. If Cody wants to test someone, son!
Son? Cody tells the crowd to shush. Cody says that Booker is a liar. He does have a beef with Cody and addresses Booker as announcer. It’s probably because he’ll never be the IC Champion and will never be able to call himself champion ever again. Foley then cuts him off and says that Cody is addressing a legend here and a man who is a 5 time, 5 time, 5 time WCW Heavyweight Champion and Cody is effecting Foley’s ability to enjoy the holidays. So, how about tonight Cody has a match with Booker T? ody says he is looking forward to it as Booker is at first hesitant then takes it. Foley says we are going to start the night off right with a special Divas match!! AJ!!!!
The Divas are all in the middle of the ring as Mick Foley addresses them from the top of the ramp. There is mistletoe on a pole and whoever grabs it will be able to cash in on a very special prize from now until Christmas.
Match 1: Divas Mistletoe on a Pole Match
All Divas are in the ring, AJ looks hot, that’s all you need to know. Ok, I’ll tell a little more. The Bellas are wearing a Forest Green ensemble that looks pretty good and Alicia is the first to try and go up the pole. Speaking of the Bellas, Brie trips up Nikki, climbs up her and grabs the mistletoe.
Winner: Brie Bella (NR)
Um…unless this leads to a possible storyline that entices us as fans, I’m not interested…
Foley explains that this mistletoe does not mean she gets a title shot, but what it does mean is that she is free to kiss any Superstar of her choice between now and Christmas…
Before the following match, Jinder Mahal comes out and cuts a promo in two languages. He says that we buy gifts with money we don’t have for people we don’t like, all to mask our contempt for each other. We are all living a lie. Ya see, when he speaks in English, it sounds so much more convincing and at the very least, we can dislike him for a reason other than “I don’t understand what he’s saying.”
Match 2: Justin Gabriel vs. Jinder Mahal
We start with…oh no, wait, Gabriel goes for the arm. Jinder with an uppercut, he whips Justin into the ropes then hits a high knee! Double-underhook Suplex then a hard kick to Gabriel. Jinder sets up for a suplex, but instead hangs Justin up on the ropes then chokes up Gabriel with a knee, using the ropes. There goes another onne as the ref counts. Jinder with a kick to the back then whips Gabriel into the corner before hitting a hard shoulder. Jinder sends Gabriel to the corner again and Ted DiBiase’s music hits! He comes ou with a bag full of WWE goodies and hands them out as Jinder loses focus for a bit. He is about to lock in the Camel Clutch, but Ted is too much of a distraction. He goes back to Gabriel, but Gabriel with a clothesline, then an STO. He goes up top and here comes the 450 Splash!
Winner: Justin Gabriel (**)
It wasn’t bad, but was relatively short and Jinder played up the distraction a bit too awkwardly, I think.
In the back, The Usos are trying to teach Mick Foley the pre-dance ritual they do then walk to the side as Foley says hi to Rowdy Roddy Piper. Roddy wants a new straight jacket, then we move to Maxine and Hornswoggle. Swoggle pours himself some egg nog as Dusty Rhodes walks in. He offers a present to Swoggle then offers a picture of Lady Gaga eating a corn beef sandwich and finally proclaims that this place is full of weird people! A GOLDUST SIGHTING!!!! He does his intake of breath to his father then we go back to The Usos. Foley talks of Rikishi getting busted open and seeing The Usos crying. Back to Piper, he is telling Trent Baretta to put eye drops into the egg nog to full someone just before David Otunga recommends against that. He said that we must play only Christmas music that is cleared through the public domain. He says, actually, we might as well shut the party down. Foley comes in and says legally, Otunga is officially Smackdown talent which means Foley can place him in the Street Fight that’s coming up tonight. Foley says his opponent is….Randy Orton. All this to lead to that? hmmmmm.
In the back, Booker is with Matt Striker. He says he doesn’t know what Rhodes problem is but after tonight——POW!!! Cody hits him in the back with the IC Title. Again, to the arm, as he laughs it off. Booker is hurtin, but he doesn’t drop the “N” word, so we’re in the clear.
We are BACK to the snow-filled arena and Kofi’s music hits while Tyson gets the jobber entrance. BOOOO!!!
Match 2: Kofi Kingston vs. Tyson Kidd.
Tyson with a go behind, which is reversed by Kofi into an arm hold from Tyson, but Kofi uses the ropes to flip out of it then hits a roll up for 2. Tyson in the corner with a dropkick and a cover for 2. He sends Kofi to the ropes then hits a shoulder block and a cover for 2. Tyson with a variation of the Dragon Sleeper on the ground but it’s short lived so Tyson locks in a front faced headlock, finally they hit the ropes and we get a double clothesline. Tyson slaps himself to wake up a bit then goes for a right. Kofi reverses then hits one of his own and a dropkick. Kofi with a high clothesline then gets set for the Boom Drop. He hits it! Kofi calling for Trouble in Paradise but Tyson rolls out of the ring. Kofi follows. Tyson goes for a clothesline but Kofi uses the apron to help elevate him into a kick. Kofi starts talking shit to Michael Cole for some reason, he takes the mask off of Cole, saying he looks ridiculous. Here’s Tyson with a kick to the gut! But Kofi whips him into the apron then sends Tyson into the ring. Kofi puts the Rudolph hat on and the nose then hits the turnbuckle and hits a high body splash onto Tyson for the 1…2…3!!!!
Winner: Kofi Kingston (**1/2)
At first, I thought Kofi was going heel, but it turns out he just wanted to be the little Rudolph that could. A bit cheesy, but par for the course all night so far.
Hornswoggle is in the back at the party, trying to hang an ornament and Kaitlyn comes in the back to tell him he should ask Santa to be taller. Teddy Long and Sheamus are talking. Sheamus wants to know what an “All I want for Christmas” Battle Royal? He is curious. Teddy says that this is all Mick Foley’s doing, but he guarantees it’s going to be worth it. The music changes and Aksana is here with some mistletoe. She says she is sorry she lost the match. She says back in her home they just got a new shovel for Christmas. haha. She hangs some mistletoe and Teddy tells her to do what comes naturaly. She takes a bite of one of the leaves…ok. They then leave as Curt Hawkins talks about his large cane to Kaitlyn.
Match 3: Randy Orton vs. David Otunga
Lock up to start with a side headlock from Orton after. They hit the ropes and Randy hits a shoulder block. Randy hits the ropes then Otunga kicks him, but Randy with a kick after a whip and a clothesline over the ropes. Otunga is sent outside. Randy follows but Otunga hitsa a kick then tries to slam Orton into the apron. Orton stops it and slams Otunga himself then sends him into a nearby Christmas tree. Orton then sends him into the other towards the corner where the announce table is. Orton lifts Otunga, but Otunga slams Orton into the apron. Another shoulder block! He clubs the back of Orton then goes towards the announce table. Orton reverses this and slams Otunga on the announce table. He grabs a tray of cookies on the announce table, tries a cookie then drops the rest and slams the back of Otunga with it. Orton grabs a wreath hanging from the ring post, grabs Otunga with it, yells HO HO HO then tosses him into the third tree. Orton tries for a toss into the steps, but Otunga reverses it and sends Orton to the steps. Otunga with a suplex on the outside! Otunga goes under the ring to grab a candy cane striped kendo stick. He goes for a hit, but Orton from the ground spears Otunga down and hits him with some rights. Orton grabs the stick but Otunga runs. He’s going up the ramp until orton grabs a present and throws it at the back of the head of Otunga. haha.
They’re both on the ramp and Orton is looking to send Otunga into the set up of trees and gifts. He does so, much to the crowd’s delight. Orton is taking Orton to the middle of the ramp and starts socking Otunga down the ramp. He hangs up Otunga on the apron and we get a DDT on the outside. Wade Barrett comes down the ramp to drop Orton on the mat outside then tosses him in the ring and tosses Otunga in afterwards. Otunga covers. 1…2…NO!!!! Orton kicks out! Otunga stomps on Orton in the corner. Otunga hits some shoulders then goes for a whip. Orton powers out of it and he hits a few clotheslines. Here comes the scoop slam. He calls for the RKO, hits it! Pin. 1…2….3!!
Winner: Randy Orton (**1/2)
It’s been a while since Otunga has been in the ring, let us hope that this has satiated the fans of him for at least a few more months.
Teddy Long is in the back with Mark Henry. Henry says he wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for Teddy. He says he’ll take care of Big Show at TLC. Tonight, he’s going to give Daniel Bryan the worst whoopin he’s ever had in his life. His dream is going to be the Nightmare Before Christmas and if Henry was Teddy, he’d get out of his face. NOW!
A bunch of wresters are in the ring, but Hunico gets his own entrance with new music. Sheamus, too, gets his own entrance. Hornswoggle also gets his own entrance, and it appears he is in this match. Rather than getting in the ring, he goes under it. I’m hoping this doesn’t mean that he will be winning.
Match 3: All I Want For Christmas Battle Royal
30 Days off, Darren Young is first out, followed by one of the Usos. JTG gets hung up then tossed out in a battle of the minority stereotypes with Hunico. Alot of stalling before Curt Hawkins gets tossed out by Big Zeke. Sheamus looks at him and they have a bit of a stand off before trading blows…and by blows, I mean socks. Sheamus looks to clothesline him out, but Sheamus pulls the ropes and out goes Zeke. Followed by Johnny Curtis. The second Uso is out next followed by Kofi (who is eliminated by Tyson, in a nice touch). Tyson eliminates his adversary, Yoshi, as well. Tyson then skins the cat before head scissoring Teddy out of the ring. While he’s hanging there, Hornswoggle pulls his leg down and Tyson is eliminated as we go to break without notice.
Back from the show and we’re left with significantly less superstars. We’ve got three jobbers, two red heads and a Mexican in a bandanaaaa (To be song to the tune of “12 Days of Christmas”). Titus is eliminated. Heath Slater goes for Sheamus and Jinder helps stomp Sheamus for a bit as Hunico works on Tyler Reks. Sheamus is on FIY-YAH until Reks tries to hop on it. Tyler Reks crawls under the ropes, ok now all five guys roll under the rope to team up on Sheamus. They toss him against the barricade, but NO ONE is eliminated. Now we have, Jinder, Heath, Tyler and Hunico. Jinder is bleeding from the mouth and he makes mention of Hornswoggle under the ring. All four get out, Jinder tosses him in the middle of the ring. The four surround him. Heath pushes him, then Hunico, then all four kick Hornswoggle around. Jinder and Tyler swing Hornswoggle, looking to eliminate him then Sheamus comes in and tosses Tyler, Hunico, Jinder and finally…Heath. We are left with Hornswoggle and Sheamus. Hornswoggle calls for the fight!!! He wants to do this!! Sheamus is all chuckles. He tells Hornswoggle to get out, nicely. Hornswoggle says nope, it’s going to be Sheamus going over the top rope. He says he is going to break Sheamus if he doesn’t and stomps Sheamus’s foot, then kicks his shin. He runs right into a Goozle. Sheamus lifts Hornswoggle, tosses him over, but Hornswoggle holds onto the rope. Sheamus hops over the apron to try and kick him off and asks him to leave again. Both men on the apron. I don’t foresee this going well. Hornswoggle is sad. Hornswoggle asks for a hug then pushes Sheamus down, as could be seen miles away.
Sheamus looks upset. He goes into the ring, then smiles and lifts Hornswoggle onto his shoulders. So…we had a battle royal all for Hornswoggle to win and get “a wish.” Again, if this doesn’t lead to something good in terms of actual wrestlers or a storyline, I will deem tonight’s show just as bad as that Thursday one over on Spike…
The Bellas and Ricardo Rodriguez are talking about what to get Alberto Del Rio for Christmas. Roddy Piper and Dusty Rhodes are talking about Cena. Santa walks in and wishes them Happy Holidays. Hornswoggle is here to ask for his wish. Hornswoggle says he wants….Sheamus comes up and says that Hornswoggle wants the ability to talk. Santa says it’s been in him all along. He needs the magic of a holiday Santa hug. Hornswoggle speaks!!! He talks! He says a bunch of words then calls Vickie a grandma. They trade me Excuse Me’s. He talks and jives out of the ring. Mick Foley comes up in Cactus Jack gear and wants to know when the little guy learned to talk. So, a ten minute match and a backstage segment all to get Hornswoggle to talk, when this has been exposed once already? Hmmmmm
AJ is in the back to wish Daniel Bryan good luck and she gives him a…..AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!!! She kissed him! I feel like Eminem, hiding in his car, watching Kim make out with a bouncer outside a club!
Striker in his Christmas sweater comes to interview Bryan. Bryan talks about his opportunity tonight. Bryan is looking forward to taking advantage of the guy who is not 100% Tonight, his dream becomes a reality.
Match 5: Steel Cage Match Mark Henry vs. Daniel Bryan
Daniel quickly runs up the cage to escape. Mark pulls him down and he tries again on the opposite corner. Henry pulls him down. Bryan goes behind Henry then kicks him in the thighs, but Henry pushes him down in the center of the ring. Bryan goes for some kicks again, but Henry just tosses him to the side of the cage, and Bryan is in between the mesh and the ropes. Henry with a body splash into Henry as we get a break.
We are back and Bryan is still sandwiched between the cage and ropes. Henry finally brings him into the center of the ring and goes for a nerve pinch from behind, clamping down on the shoulder. Bryan kicks his way out of it then runs right into a hard right by Henry. Henry calls for the door to open. He is making his way out, but Bryan dropkicks him into the turnbuckle! Henry with some rights, but Henry just tosses him. Bryan runs right into a clothesline, causing him to flip in the air! Henry stumbles into a cover (nice sell) for the 1..2..NO!!! Henry asks for the door to open again but Bryan holds onto the bad ankle then clips the ankle. He starts to stomp the ankle then puts it on the ropes and drops his body weight on it. Bryan tries to climb but Henry is up quick to trip him up and he lands right on his little Bryans. Henry with another clothesline to Bryan. Henry goes for the door, but Bryan holds onto the ankle once again. Henry tosses him off then hits yet another clothesline. Bryan is down and out while Henry is selling the ankle. Henry lifts Bryan up and looks to catapult Bryan, but Bryan slips out and dropkicks the ankle. Bryan goes for the LaBell Lock. He locks it in! We are in the middle of the ring. Henry’s hand is up! He’s calling for it! No!! Henry powers out of it and lifts up Daniel, but no! Daniel reverses it into an Ankle Lock!! Henry is screaming! Henry turns and kicks Daniel away to the corner!! B ryan goes up towards the cage, but Henry pulls him down. Henry foolishly tries to climb himself, but Bryan goes up! He uses Henry as a ladder and climbs up! But Henry grabs him by the arm, barely stopping the win!! Henry has Bryan up for a powerbomb, but Bryan gflips up and hops over again! Henry won’t let go of the arm though! He pulls him in then we get a World’s Strongest Slam from the turnbuckle! A pin. 1…2…3!!!
Winner: Mark Henry (**1/2)
This was better than I thought, but it was still rather repetative and moved in slow motion. Henry can sell amazingly, but this seemed like an elongated squash, for the most part.