WWE RAW Results: March 26, 2012

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, March 26th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The Philips Arena in Atlanta, GA
Results by Tony Acero of 411Mania.com

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

We start off with Randy Orton’s music hitting, and it looks like we’re getting tag team action! As a special treat, we’re joined by Booker T on commentary.

Match 1: Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. Kane and Daniel Bryan (w/ AJ)
Daniel Bryan gets a kiss from AJ just before the start, and we’re beginning wit Orton and Bryan. Orton with a side headlock, into a shoulderblock off the ropes. Bryan is up with some kicks to the thighs, he hits the ropes and Orton with a toss over his head! He stomps the appendages here. Bryan stands and fights out of it with an uppercut. Orton tosses him to the corner, but he back flips over Orton, hits the ropes and runs right into a clothesline. Pin from Orton but only gets a one. Orton tags in Sheamus and Bryan runs quickly to tag in Kane. Lockup to start. A struggle of power ensues and Sheamus has Kane in the corner. Kane fights back with a right but Sheamus floats over and clips the knee. Kane hits the ropes and hits a low dropkick. Sheamus comes off the ropes with battering ram and a pin for two. Bryan distracts and Kane hits a quick clip to Sheamus, sending him to the outside. Bryan floats off the apron with a high knee as we go to break.

We are back and Bryan is fighting with Sheamus in the corner. He misses a dropkick and both men are down. Sheamus gets a tag into Orton! Orton is in and scoop slam! DDT off the ropes. Kane pulls Bryan out of the ring, though! Orton runs out of the ring and grabs Kian, slapping his face into the barricade. Oh, but Bryan with a baseball slide into Orton’s arm. Bryan goes to the outside and sends Orton in then tags Kane in. Bryan holds onto Orton’s arm as Kane gets in and stomps Orton. A uppercut then a right then a back elbow in tothe corner and finally, Kane sends Orton to the opposite corner and hits a clothesline and a pin for 1..2..NO! Kane from behind with a cravat. Orton stands up out of it and hits a right to Kane then one to the face, but Kane gets the upperhand again with a punch. Orton in the corner, and fires out with a high kick but Kane counters with a side slam and a pin for 1..2..NO! Kane is going up top. Lookin for the flying clothesline! He hits it! Kane calls for the chokeslam! orton takes his time getting up, turns and hits a quick dropkick! Both men are down, looking for a tag. Tag to Bryan. Tag to Shemaus! Sheamus with some axe handles then starts beating on the back of Bryan. The Irish Curse backbreaker! Oh, but Kane is in! Orton is in! They double team Kane then send him flying over the ropes. Orton is outside. He goes for an RKO on Kane, but Kane sends him right into the poist! Bryan is on the ropes and Sheamus is calling for the Brogue Kick! Ah, AJ runs in the ring and stops Sheamus! The ref gets AJ out of the ring as Sheamus goes for the kick and misses! There’s Kane on the apron and he chokeslams Sheamus! Pin from Bryan. 1…2…3!!!
Winners: Daniel Bryan and Kane (**1/2)
Well, you don’t want to blow two of the Mania matches by giving too much away on RAW, but it was still a nice looking match for what was given.

Similar to what one commenter said, RAW starting with a match was pretty cool.

Back to the show, and Michael Cole is in the middle of the ring. He wants our attention. He puts on a red shirt that has Johnnny Ace’s face and says Team Johnny. Cole says that he was made the official commentator for the Team Johnny vs Team Teddy match, (As if he wasn’t going to be anyways?). He introduces Ace himself, and the man makes his way to the stage. He wants to introduce the official flag bearer of his team. Out comes Vickie Guerrero with a flag that has Johnny’s face. haha. Ace then introduces David Otunga who has decided to take the jacket of Wade Barrett and the shirt size of AJ.

Before anything can get started, Booker T stands atop the announce table and wants to introduce to us the man that will send Johnny Ace back to his cubicle. He introduces Teddy Long Out comes Teddy with a mic of his own and a jig to boot! He then introduces HIS Team Captian, Santino Marella. Out comes Santino in a blue shirt with Teddy’s head, and it appears that Hornswoggle is the official flag bearer, as he carries a flag bigger than him.

Match 2: David Otunga vs. Santino Marella
Santino starts with a side headlock but otunga osses him to the ropes then hits a shoulder block. Santino feeds off of the cheers then hits the ropes and runs into another shoulder block. Santino hitrs the ropes one more time but quickly goes for a drop toe hold. He grabs a front face then hits some rights and whips. Otunga sends him to the corner and Santino tries to hop over, but Otunga doesn’t move. He hits Santino hard in the back and Otunga grabs the flag from Vickie and starts waving it. In comes Hornswoggle who waves the Blue flag into the face of Otunga. Otunga steals the flag from Horny and tries to hit him. He hits the ropes instead and the pole comes back to hit the face of Otunga. Then, he turns inot a Cobra and the pin for 1..2…3!!
Winner: Santino (1/2*)
Hardly a match, and even worse of a mess afterwards.

Ace comes in the ring and gets in the face of Teddy, who also entered. Santino gets on all fours and Teddy pushes Ace over him. Ace is embarrassed and pissed. He gets back up and gets in the face of Teddy. Santino is getting into Cobra Ready stance, though! Ace is going to meet Santino’s Snake! (Probably could have worded that better). But here’s The Miz!!! He runs in and hits the Skull Crushing Finale onto Santino before he can hit the Cobra! Ace turns around and realizes what happens then congratulates Miz for being the newest member of Team Teddy! Oops, Johnny. Yeah. He said Teddy, first.

Throughout the show, they are playing small clips from the past that have lead to Rock vs. Cena. I hear the special was well done, and can’t wait to watch it. From this, we go to a good looking video package highlighting The Undertaker vs Triple H, showing the eise of each man seperately before intersplicing their paths crossing at Mania 27 and finally, this year’s clash.

Afterwards, Cole makes mention of the tag match at Mania. No news on Menounos not being able to compete. They announce the match as still happening.

By the way, when did “Girls Gone Wild” by Madonna become an “official” theme song of Wrestlemania? Did I miss something?

Match 3: Eve (w/ Beth Phoenix> vs. Kelly Kelly
Kelly tries to start a Hoski chant, and gets it started. Eve goes to attack, but Kelly deflects and rolls up for two. Eve attacks the hair of Kelly then sends her into the corner face first. Eve holds Kelly’s face against the ropes as Beth yells at Kelly to apologize. Eve is atop the corner and chokes Kelly till the count of four. Eve goes for a cover. 1…2…NOPE. Chin lock into a chicken wing from behind. I just realized…there’s not going to be any more booty popping from Eve. Not that I was a fan, just an observation. Even hits Kelly with a knee then sends Kelly to the ropes. Kelly flies back with a hurricanrana that lasts too long. Kelly runs up to the corner and gets the attack on Eve, but Eve pushes back hard and Kelly goes flying. Eve goes up top for a moonsault, but Kelly moves out of the way and Eve hits the mat face first. Kelly then rolls her up for the 1…2…3.
Winner: Kelly Kelly (*)
Unfortunately, Jerry Lawler puts this entire match into perspective with this nugget: “Maria wasn’t even here tonight, and Kelly Kelly was victorious.”

Up next, CM Punk vs Christian! Oh, color me excited!

Justin Roberts announces Christian as Captain Charisma. Before the match, Chris Jericho comes on the tron. He says that Punk claims to be the best in the world but we know that’s not true. He is going to beat Punk at Mania and expose Punk for the fraud that Punk is. He has already exposed that his father is an alcoholic while his sister has issues as well. Jericho has found some new information, however, and found out some facts about Punk’s mother. Punk mouths “of course you did.” Jericho says that Punk’s mother is actually someone with no vices whatsoever. He did find out one piece of information, however, and that is that Punk’s parents wedding date actually took place AFTER Punk’s birthday, which makes him the legal definition of a BASTARD. Christian attacks form behind.

Match 4: CM Punk vs Christian
Christian is beating Punk in the head, ridiculing him, before sending Punk to the outside and following him. Punk with a quick kick to the lower knee of Christian then just starts banging the head of Chrstian into the announce table before hitting a high kick to the face! Punk drops elbows on the chest of Christian as the ref tries to stop Punk. Punk isn’t done, though, as he moves the stops to the side. He lift Christian up. Fireman’s carry. He’s calling for the G2S onto the steps! He hits it, using the steps as a substitute for Punk’s knee. He then locks in the Anaconda Vice. Numerous refs come out to stop Punk, and Punk submits…but only for a second as he goes to lock in the Anaconda Vice once more!
Winner: No Contest (NR)
I knew I shouldn’t have gotten too excited! Nonetheless, this was still a nice way to continue the feud. Guess we’ll have to wait a little longer for Punk vs Christian…or watch Smackdown from last year.

Match 5: Brodus Clay vs. Curt Hawkins
Brodus starts with some jiggly shaking then hits a clothesline. He sends Curt to the ropes, so Curt takes the leg out of Brodus. He hits a bulldgo into a pin but Brodus sends him off with authority! Brodus with a headbutt! He sends Curt to the ropes. Brodus with a punch to the gut, a high knee into a T-Bone! He hits the ropes and a splash into the pin for 1..2…3!!! The ladies are supremely excited for this.
Winner: Brodus Clay (NR)
Something better happen with Clay pretty soon.

Match 6: The Big Show vs. Primo (w/ Rosa and Epico)
Oh, this is going to be full of back and forth action, I’m sure. Show goes right on the attack with a kick and a blow to the back then a chop to the chest! Show tosses Primo to the otherside of the ring then hits a punch to the gut. We are informed that Christian is out of the Ace vs Long match. Show hits a chokeslam and a pin for the 1..2…3!
Winner: The Big Show (NR)

After the match, Rosa gets on the apron to distract and Epico tries to attack. Of course, Show chokeslams him. Cody Rhodes comes out. Cody prevents Show from running down by saying that they have their time and it’s coming at Mania. Does Wrestlemania scare Show? Rhodes says that pretty soon, they’re going to verb “The Big Show.” Saying people will say they hope they don’t Big Show that test, or that “I’ve got to take a Big Show.” That last one isn’t a verb, Cody. Cody does get some major points for paraphrasing Cicero, though.

Another video of Prince Albert’s head is shown, and I’m intrigued by the direction in which they’re taking the character, even if it’s based off of ten second clips.

In the back, The Bellas are arguing over who’s winning in the Ace vs Teddy match. Up comes Ryder who gets the attention of the twins. He calls one of the twins ugly, which obviously insults both of them and they walk away. Here comes Eve. Eve wants to know what hotel Ryder is staying at during Mania. He says that all of Team Teddy is staying in one room, and Eve says she was hoping he would stay in her room. He grins

Mathews is with Punk and he wants to know how Punk feels, obviously. He wants Mathews to go ask Christain how he feels. He says that Jericho can call Punk whatever he wants, but insulting his family…not right. He says his sister is off limits and is complete fabrication. He says that what he said about his mother is a total lie. He is not a bastard, he is the best wrestler in the world.

If you didn’t catch the tweet, Christian has been replaced with Drew McIntyre.

Match 7: Mark Henry (w/ Johnny Ace) vs. The Great Khali (w/ Teddy Long>
We start with some corner work by Khali, who wears his blue shorts and red pants like he don’t see what the big deal is. The match ends quickly as Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam and pins for the 1..2…3!!
Winner: The Great Khali (NR)

Mark Henry screams from inside the ring at Teddy. Ace sends Teddy into the ring and he walks right into Mark Henry. Ace signals for the rest of Team Johnny, out come the MinuteMen. They’re blocking the ramp as Henry looks to attack Teddy. Santino and Ryder run out, but run into the blockade. RTruth is next, but of course he gets stopped too. Kofi comes running out, uses one of the Team Ace members as a springboard and totally hops over the ropes better than Sin Cara! Unfourtnately, he runs into a Slam from Henry. Henry lifts Teddy, and it looks like Teddy is getting hit with the WSS! But no, Booker T runs into the ring and saves his ass! Booker is on the offense! He hits some rights, then kicks, then hits the ropes, Axe Kick!! And he does it all with his glasses!!! Teddy thanks him for saving him, but he feels the best way to thank him is to ask him to join Team Teddy. Booker, of course, obliges! Can you Dig It, Sucka!!??!!

Quick apology for the mistakes tonight, but in actuality, it is a live report and it is damned near impossible to “proof read.” I look to you to point them out, and thanks for doing so, so far, as it makes the Report for later all the better. One can’t deny how hilarious that Fag/flag typo was, though…

The Rock and John Cena Face Off

The Rock is out first, and it appears that this may take a long time, as we are still about 20 minutes away from the close of the show. I’ll update as frequently as I can. A Boots to Asses chant starts. The Rock brings up Wrestlemania 20 where people thought he had his last match. Every day since then, people have asked when he was coming back to Mania and to the middle of the ring. Everywhere he went, he was asked. Even during physicals, it appears. He says he knew he was coming back, he just never knew when. Every Hollywood starlet would tell him, “Why don’t you come over here and dominate some of this delicious pie, but first…when are you comin back?” Apparently, this was Betty White who offered. haha. For 7 years, The Rock didn’t know when…until last year, at Wrestlemania 27, when The Rock went down to Georgia, (Where they happen to be this week as well). He walked into the Dome and delivered a Rock Bottom that was heard round the world, and that’s when The Rock knew that the wait was over.

The very next night on RAW, in this very arena, the – he is cut off by the chants of the crowd. Right here is where the match was set. History was made that night because of the crowd. In 6 days, Finally, The Rock returns to Mania and Finally, The Rock has come back to Atlanta. There’s only one man that people want to see The Rock face, and that man is John Cena. Lots of manly boos and girly cheers. The Rock says that in his last match at Mania, it was Cena’s first match at a Mania and since then, Cena has become one of the biggest stars that the industry has ever seen, but he has never (and the Rock means NEVER) faced anyone like The Rock. He wants to tell Cena exactly what’s going to happen, but John Cena’s music hits, and here comes Golden Boy, Cena!

Cena wants to know if we hear the crowd. He doesn’t need a crystal ball that the boos is exactly what’s going to happen at Mania. It’s not new to Cena, but here’s what is a bit skiddish; Rock claims that Cena will never see anything like The Rock. As usual, he is half right, because The Rock will never see anything like John Cena. For a year now, he has used to the best trash talk from the best trash talker, the man who defined the Era of Attitude, but here he is, like he is every single night. Happy to be here, with a smile on his face. He winks at the Rock. And here’s why. The Rock is the best to talk trash, sure, but he is not the first. Fruity Pebble chant to start, and Cena takes it into stride. Cena said that when Rock left for 10 years, there was one name that got tossed to the wolves, and it was Cena, each time someone wanted to make a name for themselves. How many people have talked trash about Cena? It’s about as long as the list of names The Rock has for his penis. Deuling chants, now. Cena says, just like you cannot deny the electricity that happens when The Rock is in the building, you can’t deny the pure emotion that happens when Cena steps up into this ring. He’ll sum it up in five words, “Let’s go Cena/Cena Sucks.” Wow, the only emotion I am feeling is apathy. These are words he’s heard for years. He says that every single superstar, including The Rock, has turned their back on the WWE Superstars. But here, we have a man that simply just does what the T-Shirt says. He rises above. But he also wins.

That’s what upsets us about him, apparently. Although there are some people here that hate it, he is going to win at Wrestlemania. Like he said, he knows he hates it, but they know as sure as he does…he’s going to win at Wrestlemania. So, just for kicks, he’s going to throw some more truth out there. He has been an active wrestling in the WWE longer than The Rock. The Rock had amazing moments, then left. Cena has had some moments, but he’s been here when it wasn’t so cool to be a WWE Superstar, and yet he will continue to drum the WWE through and through. This is what he loves. After 10 years of doing this every night, people know that he means it. This is why at Mania, he must win. He has to win. After Mania, life goes on for The Rock. He’ll be starring in GI Joe this summer. After Mania, Cena’s office doesn’t change, this will still be his life. The past year, they’ve said a lot of stuff and he feels real comfortable saying this, “I will be God Damned if you come in as a visitor, as good as you think you are, and take my life from me.” Ten years, and everyone knows that Cena is just getting started. Nobody remembers second place, that’s why he can’t lose. That’s why he must win. That’s why, they know, that Cena must win this match more than anything in his entire life.

The Rock knows how important it is, because it’s just as important. They know that The Rock ain’t no damned visitor, then they censor something he said. This house that Cena claims he is in, The Rock helped build! The people know that Cena has never had an opponent that he couldn’t overcome…until The Rock. They know that to The Rock, it’s more than just the biggest match of all time, more than just making history. They know that The Rock has come back after all this time…to beat Cena. It drives him. Never before has a man been able to say he has walked into Wrestlemania and beat, Hulk Hogan, and beat Stone Cold Steve Austin, and beat John Cena. On a professional level, The Rock needs to beat Cena to become the greatest WWE Superstar of all time. “On a personal level, I just don’t like you.” In six days, not only is The Rock going to beat Cena, but he’s going to give him the ass-kicking of a lifetime. Cena knows it, The Rock knows it and you can bet your ass that the people know it, too.

Cena: ” It Doesn’t matter what you think!”

Cena wants to put this in terms that The Rock understands. He’s made a living off of being the guy that Cena can’t see, but The Rock will see him come Mania. He will be the guy standing over The Rock with his hand in the air. The headline reads, “John Cena whips The Rock’s Ass at Mania.”

That’s it….

What the hell…

The show ends with an extremely short staredown.

For the go-home show before Mania, this RAW was horrible. Cena wasted 10 minutes of my life before any actual animosity came out of him. The Rock had some high spots. Matches were crap. To think, I got excited after seeing the first match.

See you guys next week with the Wrestlemania fall out!